


Hole in My Head, Space in My Bed

by ReforgedMind (Churbooseanon)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Secret Relationship, Spies & Secret Agents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 02:22:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10233581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Churbooseanon/pseuds/ReforgedMind
Summary: Thace was always meant to be a Blade, to go among the fleet and act as a quiet hand to guide his people back to true freedom and glory. He just didn't expect the steps that would take him there, how he would change on the way, or what he would lose.Some sacrifices are worth it, though, when a life is seen in its whole.





	

The masks have a purpose. Thace knew that on an intellectual level. He could provide a full lecture on it. Each mask could be, was, personalized enough to serve as a face, an identity, a person. But any Blade on infiltration duties could not risk knowing the true face of another. To know a face meant being able to point out another agent. One was not supposed to know the face or true name of a Blade unless Kolivan himself saw fit to give it to them. 

The masks have a purpose. He knew that, but standing there in the moment, panting and with his whole body shaking, his sword arm heavy, he wished it wasn't so. More than anything Thace wanted to see what face went with the minute strip of pale skin of that graceful neck. There was little space indeed between the mask and the collar of the suits, and the recurring hints of pale, soft skin was infinitely tantalizing. Perhaps he would care less with another sparring partner, but this one was always different. 

“Your blade skills leave something to be desired for a field agent,” his partner said thoughtfully, the tone and cant of his head hinting at amusement. 

It was the little glimpses that always drove Thace mad. Made him want to move, to coax, to touch something more than a suit covered arm when they were fighting. And this glance was almost smaller than any other he'd ever been granted. If he didn't know better, he would almost say that the improper seal between mask and collar was deliberate. 

“My life is dedicated to more than just the blade,” Thace shot back as he straightened himself. “I am more of an intellectual really.”

“Not all of us had to go through seven rooms before figuring out the answer,” the other man agreed readily, his tone self-depreciating.

“Four,” Thace smirked in his mask, “but I was quite messed up afterward. Had to spend three days in the infirmary resting.”

“Only one,” the other man smiled with the openness of his posture, the loose grip on his weapon. 

How many conversations have they had like this one, had while their lungs suck greedily at the air and their bodies protest the roughness of the fight? How many times had he come to ache to hear the voice sans filter? To know the name? To see bare skin? To have some hint of the normalcy denied to him to become a part of the Blades and strike at the empire?

The only Galra he got to see as a Galra instead of as tools of the Blades were those that served the empire in the military. Home and its comforts were so far away now, had been for years. Free time no longer meant wooing and embracing a civilian life. Maybe that was why he came to want so much out of his sparring partner. 

“I would say I was jealous but I was on kitchen chores at the time,” Thace chuckled in response. 

“Lazy, T?” the Galra Thace preferred to think of as 'U' asked with laughter in his own voice. “No wonder I beat you so often.”

Often enough before. Now... “I leave for my assignment soon, so that really isn't going to last much longer.”

That actually had U take a step forward, as if there was something he wanted to do. Thace knew better than to be wistfully hopeful over that. A Blade would congratulate another in the course of their work. From this man, though, Thace wanted no closeness, no congratulation, no praise. Too close and he might be tempted to break the rules. Pull that mask off and know something not meant for him. Something not acceptable. 

The space was needed. So he stepped back to make sure he had the right space. Space to defend himself, control himself, be reasonable about himself. 

“May you find success,” U said softly. “When do you leave?” 

Too soon to let himself be close. 

“I thank you for the time you have offered me with our sparring,” Thace answered without an answer, bowing slightly and saluting with his weapon. 

His legs couldn't carry him away fast enough. 

* * * * * *

The first time he had met the other Blade had been during a training session. Nearly a year ago his training master had been assigned to some mission or another. That left Thace at a loss for how to proceed. His master always said his personal defense skills could stand to be better, far better, for someone wanting to infiltrate the military. Which left him looking for someone to work with. When Thace entered the training room he found so many other Galra present and pair off or set in groups, no one hovering around the edges looking for a match. Thace almost wilted at the idea of standing around, begging for assistance with his very presence. Unable to handle the idea, Thace turned on heel to head back out. He could look into a new partner later he decided as he moved toward the door. Thace almost made the threshold when it slid open and another Blade strode through. It was training that had him analyzing the smooth motion of that body. Some Galra were bulky, moved like a drone. Others seemed to glide through life with their smooth motions. This one more than glided. He, if it was in fact a male, practically floated over the ground. It was a level of grace rare even among the Galra and Thace stared through his mask in open wonder. 

“Was your training pleasant?” 

The question gave Thace more pause than the Galra still blocking his exit did. The Blades were commonly... a quiet bunch when it came right down to it, if he was putting it tactfully. To be so casually addressed in a way that wasn't openly inviting him to spar was strange. Mostly, though, Thace was caught by his voice. Even with the filter of his mask Thace thought it was lovely. The sort of voice that made his ears twitch forward on his head. 

“I... actually had no training partner today so...”

Thace had no chance to react before the newcomer was grabbing him by the wrist and hauling him back toward an open training circle. The man's stride was surprisingly long for his shorter height, and the shock of it all left Thace stumbling in his wake as if he were still some gangly kit. Of course there was no help in how he was forced to twist his body slightly to the side from how he was gripped. With everything combined he was in no place to handle the abrupt stop of the other Blade. It was the agility of his apparent new partner that stopped him from falling, a surprisingly strong hand pressed to his chest keeping him upright. 

The touch was enough to restore the balance the man had so easily stolen from him. 

“It is alright that I use you as a training partner for the moment, correct? I only recently finished my trial and need to work with the weight of the awoken blade.”

“Recovery can frustrate the urge to enjoy a new toy,” Thace allowed, drawing his own dagger as he slipped into the ready stance and called to the blade to awaken it into his sword. “Hopefully I will be able to match the pace of your learning.”

The other Galra had him disarmed in only a minute. This, Thace decided, might be fun for more reasons than just the strange behavior of the other male. In the end he managed to easily take half of their bouts and felt truly accomplished for it considering the rapid skill growth of his partner. When the other Blade offered his hand after their final round, Thace took it readily and suggested that they try again on another day. 

Their sparing became a very regular thing. 

* * * * * *

The training partner Thace knew as U187 and thought of only as 'U' was more physical than many of the other Blades. Rash, Thace had heard whispered about the other man as well. Headstrong. Perhaps not suited to the field like Thace, good old obedient and loyal T291. Thace knew that one day he would be out there among the Empire, the eyes and ears and hands of his organization that would help win the freedom of his people. Most of what he heard about U17, though, was that he would likely be left behind. 

“I don't buy it,” U answered Thace's concern as they sat together, cooling off after a fight. He passed over the bottle of chilled leburberry juice. The tart berries had been sweetened by honey, making the otherwise too sour fruit perfect for drinking. It helped that the berry's juice was ideal for restoring the health of a body after heavy exertion. Thace himself normally took supplement pills of the stuff with water, but U enjoyed the taste and Thace enjoyed basking in the presence of the other male. U was quick to laugh, animated when he spoke of his passions, and his blade work was impressive to Thace's moderately trained eyes. 

“Why? I hear even Antok has said such,” Thace pointed out as he passed the drink back once he had taken a pull from the container. The masks had means to dissolve just over the mouth when drinking or eating, which meant that by the time his face was contorting over the sour taste, the mask was back in place and hiding any puckering of lips or twitching of muscles that might embarrass him. 

Out of the corner of his eyes he could see a bit of U's face as his friend—were they friends now—drank. Thace almost thought he saw something other than the rich violets of normal Galra fur. Instead there was a softer color there, pale and ghostly and gone before he could turn enough to look. 

“Antok thinks all missions are about blades in the dark and spying on troop movements. But there are other groups less easily infiltrated and more important to the modern army and its operation.”

“The druids?” Thace asked in shock. 

“The druids,” U confirmed. “I can't be one of their number of course, far too risky. But there are groups that work with them. I am going to be eyes there.”

The thought made Thace shudder. More than any other group he was afraid of the druids. Their powers were beyond proper understanding. 

“Which is why I need to be even better with a blade,” U explained. “I need to defend myself against druids if all things go wrong. They say druids are very hard to kill.”

“Then you must be as well,” Thace declared as he got to his feet. “Another round?”

Something about U187 allowed him to smile with the very tilt of his head and the offer of his hand. The touch felt unbelievably warm, even through their jumpsuits. 

* * * * * *

The ship they gave him to join the training base for the fleet is a rather plain one. All of the history in his file, his real life, notes that he came from a nothing little colony town and his ship should reflect that. There was a lot he would have to sabotage, damage and fiddle with on the way to explain and hide the truth of where he was coming from, and Thace was almost excite about the process. Maybe he was even looking forward to to being truly alone for the first time in a long time. 

He wasn't alone when he reached the hangar bay. A familiar form already stood by the ship, touching it lightly. Strange how easily he can see U in the very stance when there are no visible characteristics. 

“I came to say good luck. Maybe even goodbye.”

The words, spoken without his friend even turning to look at him, were painful. Chances were Thace would never again see another Blade, or recognize them if he did. Such was the work. Unless he needed pulled, his contact would all be short burst communications hidden in other Galra broadcasts, and his orders would come the same way. 

Everything would have been better if he didn't have to face the loss in such a tangible way. 

“Thank you,” he offered even if he wasn't all that thankful. “May you have luck getting where you want as well.”

The tilt to U's head was one Thace knew meant amusement. What the source could be was beyond him. 

“I have convinced Kolivan to allow me enrollment in a tech program on Gal itself,” U admitted, a touch of nervousness in his voice. Gal itself would be a dangerous place for a Blade, but a great background for the infiltration U wanted. A good fit if Thace was asked, and one that made him insanely nervous. 

“You could always come back here after. Our own people could use the skills you develop as a medic or whatever.”

Thace was desperate for someone he knew to be safe. Someone to be better than him, that he could live his life fighting for. Which was impossible to put on the shoulder of another Blade member. They threw themselves into the fray. And U was at the forefront of that fight, rushing toward it like no other. 

“I fear there is little use for prosthesis. It is a new area of interest to the druids from what little Kolivan has to go on. Robotics combined with the body in new and deeper ways. I am going OT see if it can get me close. With my previous personal studies on the body, quintessence and such, it is the best choice. For now I'll be safer than you.”

It was of very little comfort for Thace. 

“Good luck,” Thace offered to his friend. “I will miss you.”

“Yeah, you will need someone new to help you learn to fight,” U teased lightly. 

“I can replace you as a sparring partner, but not as a friend.”

Seeing U off balance with that comment was uncommon, and to see the man nearly staggered for a moment was amazing. U stepped forward, a touch of hesitance in his motions. And when those arms opened, hesitant in the offer, Thace moved forward quickly to accept the brief embrace. Within a breath they were apart again. 

“Be safe,” Thace insisted. 

“And you,” U187 agreed. “Do not let yourself grow too close to the enemy. Remember your brothers, and your friend.”

Thace let himself smile before moving to the ship. Time to do his duty. Once the hatch closed behind him, Thace lowered his hood and pulled his mask off. Time to come out of the shadows. 

* * * * * *

Basic military training on the Obedience was surprisingly familiar. Every day reminded him of the Blades. Learning rules and regulations, fighting, training body and mind, being winnowed slowly by their superiors into groups meant for different tasks... There were people that were going to be pilots in fighters, common guards, soldiers on the ground, support staff, and even officers in the fleet one day. The difference that he noticed most was that the military actively encouraged fraternization with the other recruits. Socialization to create tighter bonds to the Empire and the members of it. It was a level of socialization that Thace found himself welcoming gladly. Except, of course, when it turned to questions about their lives before the training. 

“I miss my girl,” one cadet sighed in frustration. His name, Thace recalled, was something along the lines of Jesok, and all he ever spoke about was the pampered life he had left and desperately missed. 

Thace hated him because that always got everyone else started. 

“Yeah, the women here are too violent to go after,” another said, and given that Seni was female it set everyone laughing deeply. She, unlike Thace, had found herself quickly welcomed among her predominately male colleagues. Thace mainly disliked having her there because her eyes roved over males and females readily enough. More than once she had tried to corner him to try and initiate something, and she had not taken being rebuffed well at all. 

Which meant that, predictably, she would prod at him. “What about you, Thace? Got anyone back home on your colony?”

How could he make a believable lie? Put himself out of her reach and still be able to remember the new story? Inspiration came with the memory of tart fruit and glimpses of pale fur. 

“Yes,” he said after a moment meant to seem like contemplation. Was this a story he wanted to share? He wanted them to see hesitance, a private man, but one who wanted to fit in. “I miss him dearly.”

More honesty than he expected to give, but also easier to remember. There was no denying that he had left someone behind.

“Turns out Thace can care about something other than studying,” Jesok laughed. “Fine, regale us with tales of your lover.”

“We weren't lovers,” Thace said quickly. “I never told him how I longed for him to be more than a companion. He went away to school and I chose to join the military. There is little more to say than that. Regret won't bring him to my side.”

For a moment even Seni's expression softened, and Thace wondered who these future hands of the Galra Empire had left behind in their homes. Wondered if they were here for the sake of aspirations, loyalty, or if they were offered little other choice in their lives. 

“There was nothing at all to indicate that he might have felt for you before you left?” Seni asked for the others, and Thace couldn't help but recall that brief but intensely warm embrace. 

“No,” he lied and rose from his seat. “Now, we have an exam on encryption algorithms tomorrow, and I am gunning for a comm position if I can't get an officer rating. Which for me means that I better go back to that studying.”

He fled more quickly than he really should have. There was no need to study, he knew that. Likely there wasn't another person in his training group that had the extensive training he had already undergone with the Blades. That didn't make him any less desperate for a moment of quiet to remember the pain he had thought left behind with the base months past. 

And then, of course, to forget. 

* * * * * *

Fleet mixers were meant to reinforce social and political hierarchies within the Galran military system. Senior officers came primped out in their finest armor, speckled with ribbons and medals for their suppression of and victories over 'inferior races.' Junior officers were only a touch less finely dressed, but the difference was enough to make them easily told apart from their superiors. The rare instance of a common soldier standing guard or else actually invited made them more visible with their awkward stances and lost looks, not to mention dress uniforms that lacked any sort of decoration to them. The druids, when they bothered to come, stood out and were easily avoided thanks to their flowing robes and the masks they insisted on wearing. When evasion didn't work one could easily pick out Galra of many ranks kowtowing before the poorly understood masters and mistresses of quintessence manipulation. And, once in a while, there were even those who looked vaguely civilian at the parties. This, Thace knew, was one of those times. 

He could still remember his first exposure to such a gathering. When his cadre of new officers had arrived on his first posting in the fleet, the three of them had been invited to a more private version of this sort of affair, held in the personal chambers of the captain of the ship. For his transfer to Zarkon's flagship he had been one of fifty-seven new officers and non-comms seen fit to be celebrated for their joining. It had still been a relatively small gathering compared to this, meant only to bring in new officers of the fleet and the ships in the immediate area. Today was different, though. Today served not only as a welcome to new officers, but as a celebration of new promotions and pending departures, and a formal celebration of the birthday of the conspicuously absent Crown Prince Lotor. 

Truth be told, Thace was hardly amused by the purpose. Intimidation of new officers by throwing them in with people they had to impress was... hardly fair to them. Especially when they could hardly approach a senior officer without fear of giving offense. 

Not that the civilians felt the same way. They were here as guests of Haggar's second, a druid focused less upon quintessence than upon how to appropriately cow subordinate races. Some, Thace had heard with quite a bit of enthusiasm, argued for using the gladiatorial arenas currently used for entertainment as a training ground for front line soldiers from inferior races. The idea repulsed Thace but he had nodded along and asked appropriate questions as he fought the churning in his stomach. It helped that there was plenty of wine laced with leburberry juice and honey to settle him. 

Speaking of, even though the conversation in question was over, Thace was in desperate need of a refill. A slave, what else could he consider the Yeron male in a scant tunic and with an electrocollar around his neck, passed nearby with a gilded tray set with the violet crystal glasses Thace sought. With one hand Thace reached out to deposit his empty glass, his free hand reaching for the sole one with the favored pale liquid in it. 

Thace stared in bewilderment a moment later as the glass disappeared before his fingers could wrap around the stem. Blinking in shock he let his gaze travel up the pale arm he caught sight of and to the face of the Galra who had robbed him of his comfort. It only took a quick look to mark the man as one of the civilian researchers and one who looked relatively young compared to many of the others present. His face was a pale shade of purple, an almost ashen sort of lilac that was made more intriguing by patches of near white fur following regular patterns over his face. While his eyes were the same golden color as any Galra's there was an amused glint to them that could only come from Thace's own staring and that too wasn't something one expected from the researchers that thought themselves above the military due to their druidic backers. The most interesting feature, though, was the area of longer white fur atop his head that reminded Thace of the long braid Kolivan wore, and which stood out starkly against his shorter fur and the long, barely furred ears and made him all the more striking to look at. 

“I was hoping for that drink,” Thace noted blandly, unable to come up with anything else to say. Sure, it was better to not offend someone potentially important—and someone so young here had to be important—but he had to say something. 

“More trays will come around soon,” the man answered with confidence. “But if you're really impatient...”

The voice was so familiar that it almost left Thace off balance enough to not respond to the civilian. Long years of practice, though, left him quick on his feet and got Thace to shake his head. 

“I understand you are here as an important guest, as such I do not wish to deprive you,” Thace answered quickly even as he fought to keep calm in the face of the sudden pounding of his heart. That voice... it sounded so familiar, almost as if it were a dream from his past. A dream of years ago in a rocky base with a hood over his head and a mask over his face that all could see. But there was no way in the world this could be happening. 

“Very kind of you,” the man chuckled and even that rang familiar in Thace's ears. With the comment the man turned to fully face him, his long coat swirling around him as he extended a free hand. “I am Ulaz, a researcher specializing in biotechnology. You know, artificial limbs and the like, but deeply integrated with the neurological system. They say the druids are growing interested in my field of research, which I guess is obvious if I was invited to work here. There are so many exciting possibilities here. For instance I'm working on a theory that if mixed with the quintessence of a patient we could make artificial limbs that could truly feel and be connected with the host just like a real arm. The fact that the druids have chosen to grace my research with their attention, given the hypothesis needs a druid...”

Thace knew he had to be openly staring at the man given the way the researcher trailed off, his head tilted curiously to the side. All of this was far too familiar. Far too... right. 

“Thace,” he offered along with his hand at last. “Lieutenant Thace. I am sorry, I seem to have forgotten my manners. Your goals sound amazing for all of the Empire, military and civilian alike. I would enjoy hearing more if you would want to speak with a poorly educated soldier.”

A smile formed on those lips, light up those eyes, and it came into the specific tilt of his head and the weight shifting to Ulaz's left leg but only the tiniest bit. The whole posture gave Thace more hope than he dared to entertain. Was it possible? The chances seemed so astronomical as to be ridiculous. Yet here he was, wondering whether what he wanted was here, and whether he should avoid it for his own safety. 

“Gladly, Lieutenant Thace.” Ulaz's smile continued to linger there, warm and inviting. “Though something tells me you are hardly poorly educated if you are willing to show interest in my very important line of work. But so you might know, my trip from Gal was very long and came in poorly timed. I only just arrived a few hours past.”

“Then let us sit and speak. We can get food from the buffet. And my interest is a bit less than academic. A man I trained with named Sendak was injured recently and it is feared that his arm shall not recover enough for him to continue his service.”

Ulaz bowed briefly to acknowledge his agreement of Thace's proposal, and the pair moved together toward the buffet tables. There Thace was careful to watch Ulaz's selections. Most of his choices seemed in line with what meals he had shared with U187, a number even being particular favorites of his old sparring partner. Many others were dishes Thace had heard were popular back on Gal, despite his own distaste for the overly spicy creations. And none of it was even remotely worth basing a conclusion on. How was he supposed to carefully dance around this man?

“Sendak,” Ulaz mused as he sat them down with their food shortly after. “Not a name I have heard before. Sounds outer colonies. Still, I shall look into him. My research for now is supposed to focus on the military applications, and finding suitable candidates is important.”

It was all the invitation that Thace was likely to get, and with that he launched into a whole conversation with the researcher Ulaz. He listened attentively as the other man spoke first of his research and later of Gal itself and the beauty of the homeworld Thace had never seen. Thace in turn gave Ulaz pointers about adjusting to life in the fleet, what officers to avoid and who to approach if they expressed interest. With each gesture and laugh and smile from Ulaz, Thace grew more certain. 

When they parted later in the night it was only due to one of Thace's fellow officers coming to collect him for their own, private celebration of the prince's birthday. Ulaz, he was sad to note, didn't stop him from going. Instead the researcher just offered a napkin with his contact information on it, which Thace stuffed into his pocket and tried to ignore as he walked away, his fellows teasing him the whole way. Apparently the way the idea that he might get laid reflected well on all of them, not that Thace could understand how. Of course they were also more than ready to question his choice of a civilian after all this time, and they were open in their questioning of Ulaz's less than common appearance. 

Thace, for what it was worth, didn't think he would make use of the new contact information stuffed into his pocket. How could he be certain of what it meant? Was Ulaz trying to reach out to him as a contact? Was his doing so part of his orders from Kolivan or was he breaking rank? Should Thace avoid the man? How was he supposed to kill the rekindling desires of his long past youth?

* * * * * *

“You haven't called him?” 

Thace sighed over the question. Someone had told his roommate about his run-in with at the gathering, and the older Galra officer—one who had reached a dead-end in his advancement as a comms officer and apparently decided he had nothing better to do with his life anymore—had been on him about Ulaz for weeks. 

“No,” Thace snapped, far past annoyed. Trian had been in the military longer, but Thace was a higher rank and so things were oddly relaxed among them most days. Today was not most days though, and Thace was seriously considering pulling rank. “He is just a civilian.”

“Military researchers are given a commission and a rank,” Trian corrected with a laugh. “And I'm just saying that I heard you spent two hours with him at the party.”

It had been a mistake that Thace had come to loathe. Perhaps it was all those years truly spent alone, separated from others in his cause, that had led him astray. That didn't change the fact that he had gone wrong and could only correct that by...

“Guess it's good you've got me here then, Thace,” Trian continued just as their door chimed to announce a guest. “Because I found the number he gave you, and I sent him a message. You're taking him to dinner on deck E-9. There is a Gal style restaurant there you've got a table booked at. I can greet him right now while you go change.”

Thace was left staring while Trian went to the door. What had the man just said? Hearing Ulaz's voice from the door when Trian opened it really did confirm it, and Thace actually jumped over the couch he had been sitting on and bolted into his closet to find something more appropriate to wear. It was official: he was lost on the man. 

Within five minutes he found himself standing in the repulsorlift with Ulaz, the other man in another flowing coat, this time done in a rich red that looked stunning on his slim form and next to his pale colors. 

“Your roommate was kind to set this up for us,” Ulaz said after another long minute of silence while the lift moved. 

“You know?” Thace asked in shock. “I mean... I am definitely the one who sent the request.”

“You lie so poorly when flustered, Thace,” Ulaz smiled up at him and the look made Thace feel warm inside. “A lot like a man I knew before I went to Gal for school. Sweet young man, could have used someone to take a first step for him.”

Not only did that confirm his identity for Thace, or nearly confirmed it, but he was left wondering if it meant that all those years ago he really had a chance. Damn Ulaz for the implication and how it made his heart race. 

“You still came even though you knew the request wasn't from me?”

How the smile got softer, warmer, almost fond was beyond Thace. Strange how he remembered the U of his past as more impulsive. Perhaps he had mellowed with age. In fact, Thace was glad to see his friend had mellowed out with age. 

“I wanted to be closer to you,” Ulaz said, as if the words were just that simple and not enough to make a man nervous. “You're a handsome man, Lieutenant. Your interest in my work seemed genuine. You were kind to me, warm and gentle even, and you care about your fellows. I find it all very attractive. Why would I not snatch at even the smallest chance of a date?”

“Civilians don't always mix well with the military.”

“I am hardly normal,” Ulaz countered immediately before reaching out and tangling their fingers together. “Must we question why? We are both here, seeking to spend time together, and clearly excited over the prospect of it. Why fight this?”

“Privacy?” Thace hazarded. 

“Don't you know? Civilian contractors come with their own, private suites.”

* * * * * *

Ulaz's lips tasted of leburberries, something Thace found far from surprising. The berry he once associated with the man, something uniquely him in Thace's mind, was as perfect for him as the throaty growl of annoyance that Ulaz always gave when he was facing the fastenings of a military uniform. 

“Damn,” Ulaz grumbled, the words pressed against Thace's lips. “This should be easier. But still better than what we wore under Kolivan.”

The name made Thace shudder briefly. Even given how Ulaz scanned for recording devices whenever they came in, he was still more rash than Thace liked. That, though, was a thought swept away in the face of the passion of his partner. Already Ulaz's fingers were working at clasps as his teeth found Thace's neck. The pressure was more than enough to make Thace moan. 

“You always leave me off balance,” Thace complains, not that he minds in this case. 

“Years of practice throwing you on your ass,” Ulaz chuckled. “All for today. All for you to finally throw me on mine.”

Before Thace could process the statement there was an arm around his waist, a hand gripping the armor Thace hadn't bothered shrugging out of after his shift. These days he didn't always bother to change for their dates. Three months together and it didn't seem to matter as much, trying to impress Ulaz wasn't as important as being in his presence as long as possible. The man knew he was more than what he wore, far more than it. And Thace should have known better than to be surprised when Ulaz's grip allowed the lean Galra to actually throw Thace onto his burgundy and gray covered bed. 

Three months and the man was prowling over his body at last, crawling along the bed to look at Thace. Today would be a changing point for them. Thace was as much excited as he was nervous. Ulaz, the beautiful and intelligent, stealthy and deadly man Thace had a crush on in the past and had come to feel deeply for in the present. How they had come here he didn't know. Or, frankly, care. What he cared about was the way Ulaz had stopped and shifted to straddle him. What he cared about was those nimble fingers that slipped button after button free on Ulaz's shirt before an artful shrug of his shoulders left Ulaz's torso bare. 

Ulaz's chest took more after the pale purples of his face than the white, though the markings on his face continued on his neck and down his torso to ultimately disappear under the band of his pants. The thought of where else the white might lead made Thace lick his lips. What a sight his companion made there above him. 

“I wish you wore clothes that showed off how strong you are,” Thace whispered in awe as his hands came up to start stroking over bared fur and the skin below even that. He was careful to not claw the body above him, but he was glad to drag his fingers along anyway, loving the sensation of muscles jumping under his touch. Thace knew his own body was nowhere near as fit as Ulaz's and it never had been. The Blade uniforms had made that much obvious before, and his fingers confirmed it now. 

“Can't let on that I am better than average at defending myself . Most of my fitness routine I do in here with my limited privacy.”

Thace wanted to see that someday. Maybe in the morning he would get to see it. Join in it, and for the first time truly marvel in his boyfriend. But tonight... 

Lips found his once more, and he could feel hands working at his armor again. Still Ulaz was having issues, and Thace had to struggle not to laugh. 

“Civilians,” Thace teased into the kiss before brushing hands aside and undoing the fastenings himself. Once they were loose he lifted himself enough for Ulaz to get the offending article off to toss it aside. Moments after Ulaz was tugging Thace's shirt off and casting that to the winds as well. 

“I can kick your hot ass,” Ulaz reminds him. 

“And I can do different things to yours. Or not. Don't threaten me, love.”

The word had Ulaz frozen above him, staring down in pure shock. 

“What did you call me?”

It was a dangerous admission for them both, and that made his heart race in ways Thace couldn't care to explain. But he wasn't going to back down from this moment. So he reached for Ulaz's hand and brought it to his lips. Kissed the back of each finger and the pad after, just to reinforce it all. 

“I love you,” Thace answered, his voice firm. He had to know, had to understand, had to make Ulaz see it. “I love you, Ulaz. It scares me, but I love you.”

The words woke Ulaz from his revere and the smile he offered Thace was breathtakingly beautiful. 

“And I you, Thace. And I you.”

* * * * * *

“They think they found a lion on Stellaran.”

Thace watched from Ulaz's couch as his lover froze in his tiny little kitchen area where Ulaz was preparing meatrolls. This was hardly a good time to spring this on his partner, but Thace had been sitting on the whispers for weeks and he couldn't take it anymore. 

“A lion of Voltron?” Ulaz asked softly, his voice almost quiet enough to not be heard. As it was Thace's ears twitched in his direction. 

“Well it will take a lot of time to find the precise location,” Thace continued, reaching to toy with the nearly invisible chain around his neck. No one needed to know that he and Ulaz had traded courtship tokens, even if they knew he more or less lived with the man. One day that might bite him in the ass, but for now Thace didn't care and Kolivan didn't need to know. 

“You said it was found,” Ulaz pointed out, and when Thace looked he found the other man pointing a chopping knife at him. “Don't you tease me, Thace. Be clear with what might well be the end of all hope if Kolivan cannot steal the thing and find a pilot it will take.”

For a moment Thace considered Ulaz, the man cloaked in the burgundy shades he loved, master of one of the greatest forces in the galaxy. The idea made him smirk. Ulaz was likely not impulsive enough anymore. What a shame. He shook the thought off and tried to smile. 

“There are strong hints that the lion is present on the planet. Carvings, quintessence levels, primitive mythos of the local cultures. All point to a lion, red they think, but none say exactly where. So the question stands as to how long they will take to locate the thing. There is even talk of a full fleet being dispatched for the search. That is part of why I know. My code crawlers say Commander Prorok is offering himself for the search, no doubt so he can be the first put to the lion.”

“They would be better served to send someone with less ambition and more loyalty,” Ulaz observed. 

“Someone who owes Zarkon and the druids more than mere loyalty, and needs to prove themselves in their eyes,” Thace finished. “I know exactly who you're thinking, but I don't know why.”

Ulaz chuckled to himself at that, turning back to meal preparation. Well that wasn't what Thace wanted. Even after a year together he still wanted to see that face as often as possible. Which in this case meant padding over on silent feet and wrapping his arms around his lover's waist, and pressing his lips to that lovely neck. 

“If that is Sendak we can put a tracer beacon and an audio bug in his arm. Perhaps even video surveillance in his eye. The first generation experiments for me are only focused on sensation and level of control, not on finesse. There is plenty of room in the equipment he has been given. And with how frequently I must tune it with the quintessence dosages...”

A good plan but a risky one. 

“I will send Kolivan a message while you work on the tech,” Thace offered immediately. “But make no motions to it without his okay.”

“We are on a tight schedule,” Ulaz countered. “If things move quickly...”

They would have to make their own decisions, and Thace was never happy with that. The longer they were here, were apart from the structure of the Blades' central command the easier it was to forget why things had to play out the way they did. Kolivan was too restrained when you had to see slaves or were expected to attend gladiatorial challenges. It was hard to remember the other races when you were so far away from them. 

Thace could hardly forget because his direct commanding officer in central comms had 'repurposed' a slave for his own pleasure. Every time he heard 'stories' of his CO's uses of the woman, Thace grew sick. Willful partnering as equals he could accept, but he could see the pain in the eyes of a slave if they so much as dropped a platter at a party, the fear for their lives. The fear of the arenas and the death they would find there. 

And he had heard from Ulaz that to acquire more subjects for his research his druid 'coworkers' were talking of crippling captives. The very idea made him sick. 

“If they move quickly then so shall we,” Thace sighed, and his arms tightened nervously around his boyfriend's waist. 

Given the other man's behaviors when they were younger, he was almost worried that Ulaz would act even without Thace. Not that he would say it. Thace knew better than to mistrust his lover. At the end of the day Ulaz was all he had. 

* * * * * *

Sometimes Thace missed his mask. Something about it had made him feel secure. The mask of a Blade distanced them from normal concerns. It prevented personal attachments and reinforced the mission. Now he could use one, just to hide his expression. 

Or maybe Ulaz was the one that could use one. 

“What?” Ulaz asked, his voice level in a way Thace couldn't rival. 

“It is sort of a promotion,” Thace continued, because he knew his beloved heard him the first time. “No rank or title bump, but a position as a second with expected advancement in the future. I will have slightly less access to the records at central command, but with Prorok being senior fleet commander, there may even be more intel on troop movements. I can't turn it down.”

“I know,” Ulaz sighed, but he was still clearly displeased. “I just... with the new movement on my project giving me new access to druid systems I was hoping for your coding skills. I will just have to be more discrete.” 

The very thought of Ulaz's current advances with the druids made Thace's fur stand on end and drew a hiss from him unbidden. The new, major test subject now that Sendak was being shipped out was from a newly discovered species that called themselves 'Humans'. The male had lost his arm after a hard fight in the arena and had been given over to Ulaz for his work. The human was a bloodthirsty creature that had readily harmed another of his race to get into the arena sooner and who had killed frequently and with great skill for the roar of the audience. While Ulaz insisted the man was mainly gentle, Thace wasn't certain that would last. This human was also being used for other druidic experiments. Conditioning and training that was meant to make him a perfect weapon for the Galra against his own people. The first attempt to remake another in the image of the Galra, but to make them utterly loyal and subservient. And the soft spot that Ulaz had for the 'victim' left Thace worried that he would get himself hurt by not watching the captive closely enough. 

The fact that the human was to be trained with Sendak before the captain's departure was also worrying. 

“If... we had an open bonding ceremony, if people knew...”

Ulaz cut Thace off with a look alone. 

“That is too much of a risk and you know it. Our secret is enough for me. But I would definitely suggest reducing overt contact between us, Thace. When you go, it might even be time to start a new...”

This time Thace was the one to cut Ulaz off, this time with a kiss. He didn't want permission, didn't want to entertain the idea, didn't want to hear it much less seem to have another lover. From the way his partner kissed him back, Ulaz didn't like it either. But when he pulled away there was a resolve and strength in Ulaz's expression that Thace couldn't argue with. 

“Your military brothers would approve of you two-timing a civvie anyway,” Ulaz argued, his voice soft and serious. “Prorok is known for it. Tell him you like the comfort of my suite, my cooking, the easy and willing bed partner that you don't have to seduce each time. That you feel it is better not to risk the easy comforts while you are here. He will respect you more for being a touch self-serving.”

“That isn't me,” Thace answered, biting his lip. 

“For both of our sakes, love, you need it to look like that. You need a new partner, or even partners while you're gone.”

Today Thace hated his lover being right. 

“Know that I love you more than the stars,” Thace swore, reaching for the place that, under Ulaz's shirt, his bond token hung. “Hide this.”

“I will. And space know that space is not vast enough to contain my love for you.”

At least Thace had that knowledge. At least he had something to come back to. At least he would always have a home in Ulaz. 

* * * * * *

Even with permission, staying the night always felt wrong to Thace. Tired as he was after Thace always pulled himself from warm embraces not long after the act itself. Either he would clean himself there if the individual had a shower, or he would return to his own quarters to wash. Thace couldn't stand to smell of sex if it wasn't a scent Ulaz helped him create. It felt more dishonest to let the echoes of them linger on his fur when he had not a single thing that smelled of his bonded. 

Once that was done, or on the way back to his room, Thace would make use of his new reputation of a nighttime wanderer to stop by the comm station. He had gotten beyond good at slipping his contact chip into the carefully hollowed out space under his claw. It took little time at all to acquire new information and dump his latest processed intel for the Blades. The data was left to decode on his pocket system in his room while he slept. 

Often that meant he ate alone in his room in the mornings, where a drone would deliver his meal so he could read his incoming messages in true private. This morning was no different save for the occasional joy of a message from Ulaz. It was a true one, not one of the overly sappy ones that Ulaz sent through official channels that were the ongoing fictional fluff of a lover that asshole Lieutenant Thace rarely responded to with more than one would expect from a friend in the military. 

What he read this morning almost made Thace sick with worry, though, and not just for his own sake. 

_I am sorry, but things got complicated. I am attaching my report to base and expect that they will reassign me somewhere I can 'do no harm' and very far out of the way at that. For your sake I have not told them of our bonding either. But just to summarize, I had to flee the fleet. Word is Sendak has almost acquired the location of the Red Lion after all this time, and recent routine scans of the system the human is from suggests another lion is present there. Things are moving faster than anyone ever thought it would, and the only hope was for me to act fast as well. I am going to try and free him. He must warn his people and try to get to the lion before the Empire does. That is their and our only hope. I am sorry, beloved, but this may be our final goodbye. I hope it is not, but I would never ask you to risk your position or our cause to find me. Please don't try._

Thace wanted to scream, to rage, to throw a temper tantrum fit for a kit. To ruin everything around him to reflect how broken he was inside. It took all he had to keep from cracking the reader in his hands in half. Instead he carefully set the pad to the deepest encryption level he could and filed it all away on his chip for future review.

If Ulaz had or was doing this, Thace had to be ready. He had to secret away his bonding token and make his mind calm. Soon the druid on the ship, or perhaps one from a refueling station or the main fleet itself would arrive to question him and he had to be prepared. Had to train his mind to genuine shock and fury. Sell his loyalty to any who would ask with no doubts. 

The Blades needed that of him, and his own survival depended upon his acting skill. If he failed, all Ulaz had sacrificed might be for naught. 

* * * * * *

The druid was a subtle woman, Thace had to hand it to her. There was only moderate fanfare over her arrival, barely what befitted the arrival of a druid onto Prorok's flagship. Prorok was less than pleased of course, but since it was expected that a fleet commander welcomed their new druids warmly, Thace had no choice but to join them and other senior officers for a greeting meal. 

Staying composed during the meal was a difficult thing. Anything less than poise would mean the druid would wonder why he was anxious, and the silence from the druid did nothing to help him. Thankfully not all of Prorok's officers had a good sense of tact. 

“So, Lieutenant, heard you managed to catch the new engine tech in your web. Looks like he would be a good bed warmer,” the navigation officer said in an offhand manner, as if it was appropriate conversation for dinner. 

“I thought he was involved with a civilian researcher at Central,” the druid said easily, as if she had always been involved in the dinner conversation and up on all of the fleet gossip. For a moment Thace wondered if this druid had prepped the officer for just this end. 

There was no chance to hesitate, he just had to act. Luckily Prorok had given him lots of practice at covering his ass, and that of others. Because of that he was able to smile at the question. 

“Well, Druid Jessana, I don't know what accommodations the druids are given at Central, but even officers of my rank are expected to double up at times. Civilian contractors, though, they get suites, with very fine beds. And researcher Ulaz is a fine cook. At one point I was caught up in his beauty alone, but it soon occurred to me that I didn't need to seek to fill my hungers elsewhere when there is a man who thinks possessing a soldier as a toy of his own is a nice thing. Why argue?” 

The words made him feel sleazy. 

“From the frames in his room with pictures of the two of you, he seemed a bit more... fond,” the druid countered, and even Prorok went still with a cup on the way to his mouth at that little statement. Considering his superior didn't have the best social sense and still picked up on implications of indiscretion, Thace was pretty impressed. 

“Druid, either you are seeking to make me jealous that a man that I am not faithful to and who seems to have feelings for me is cheating on me with you, or you are implying something more and I cannot imagine what it would be.”

“Indeed,” the woman responded. “Perhaps it is best we speak alone on this matter. Commander Prorok, might I borrow your man after this meal? I have some questions for him regarding his... one of his lovers.”

“Like I have a choice,” Prorok grumbled before his cup finally made the rest of the trip to his lips. Yes, Prorok, hide behind that. Because that meant the awkwardness wasn't happening. Thace wanted to roll his eyes at that. 

“I find the implied accusation puts me off of the idea of dessert, sir. So I would ask to be excused now to make the least time possible with this druid so I can return to my duty station on time,” Thace offered. That seemed to satisfy the druid because she nodded and stood quickly. Thace was slower to rise, but he made certain to salute Prorok with perfect form. “I shall not be late, sir, if I can avoid it. Vrepit sa.”

Prorok waved waved Thace away, and with his heart in his throat but a calm face, Thace strode out after the druid. Something told him the woman would make certain to keep this going as long as possible. 

Either way, Thace knew his training as a Blade was about to be put to the truest test. Hopefully he would not be found lacking. 

* * * * * *

The first time he set his eyes on the lions in real time action, Thace understood why Ulaz did what he did, why he had been abandoned, why his bonded spoke to him only in rare and heavily scrambled messages but always with an abundance of hope. Why Ulaz had requested the obscure posting he had gotten. Of course he had heard the stories, seen the messages, dealt with his own superior's attempts to catch them. But it was only through the screens at Central that he truly understood. 

From what he heard the young human who led the best hope for the universe was the same one that Ulaz had risked himself to free. A counterpoint to Zarkon specifically that no one but Ulaz had recognized. Had his lover known then what he was doing, what he would be unleashing? The list of the Black Paladin's accomplishments, the achievements of his team, included the freeing of a Balmera, protecting a young species from Sendak, taking down multiple druidic Robeasts, not to mention getting to his home in time to get the lion there and keep it from the Galra. 

They were a greater hope than the Blades could provide, and were Zarkon to gain the lions now... 

Letting them go wasn't even a choice.

* * * * * *

He watched the Red Paladin go, allowing himself a moment to breathe. There was nothing more than a second really. The power crystal was going to go critical in less than two minutes, but he had to breathe. 

“Be proud of me love,” he whispered to himself as he prepared to hold the escape route of the paladin until the explosion came. 

Ulaz hadn't sent him word since after Prorok was taken because of Thace's decision. Even with all the tension there was in the war now, Thace knew there was only one possible reason for that silence. Then again, it meant he was able to smile knowing he was approaching his own end. 

“I will be with you soon,” he sighed before looking back toward the door. “We'll watch over them. And soon we're see the universe we helped them build. I only hope they are the better future we always wanted.”

The world around him went abruptly warm, like Ulaz's embrace. 

What more could he want?


End file.
